hey..
weer lang geleden da'k hier iets neergepend heb..
wel weer veel gebeurd ondertussen..

woon eindelijk helemaal alleen..

een gezellig appartement.. zal 't es beschrijven:
om aan de voordeur te geraken, moet je aan de straatkant door een poort, en dan over een koer, helemaal in de hoek vind je dan mijn voordeur..
je komt binnen en gaat een trap op, aangezien mijn appartement boven 4 garageboxen is..
bovenaan de trap kom je in een lange smalle gang met 6 deuren..
de eerste deur is mijn living..
de tweede deur is mijn keuken.. gigantisch groot!
de derde deur is mijn bureau.. mijn pc, tekentafel, schildersezel, strijkplank,.. hebben hier een plaatsje gekregen..
de 4e deur is het kleinste kamertje in't huis.. wel grappig, je moet de bril omhoog doen om de deur te kunnen dichtdoen, maar dit wel allemaal in't donker want de lichtschakelaar zit achter de deur.. och ja.. elk ding zijn schoonheidsfoutjes e :p
de 5e deur is mijn slaapkamer..
de 6e deur is mijn badkamer.. met bad!

beetje bij beetje ben ik het hier een thuis aan't maken.. en ik weet nu al da'k hier heel graag ga wonen, en ga ook proberen van hier zo lang mogelijk te wonen.. want 't is echt spotgoedkoop! :D me loves tweedehands.be.. jaja..

het werd eig ook wel eens tijd dat er een verandering gebeurde.. want voelde me ni meer helemaal super in de vorige situatie..
heb wel heel graag samengewoond met karo, maar op een gegeven moment wou ik ook gewoon iets van mezelf.. nu moet ik ook met niemand rekening houden, en dat kan ik wel gewoon worden :D

heb nu ook een ander kleurtje op mijn haar gesmeten..
rood boven het zwart.. geeft wel en tof effect!
op termijn ga ik gewoon terug naar bruin.. dan kan'k 't laten uitgroeien.. want zwart gaat me wel, maar zo om de 3 maand een nieuwe laag verf op je haar moeten smijte.. werd da wel wa beu..

ben ook nog steeds single.. wel al een paar toffe mannen leren kenne, maar nog ni echt iemand waarvan ik kan zeggen: dit is hem!
maar zoek er eig ook niet achter.. eerst mijn volgende doelstelling vervolledigen en dan zie ik wel.. kom ik onder de baan iemand tegen, zoveel te beter e :)

de volgende doelstelling: beter werk..
ik werk wel graag in de h&m maar ik merk dat ik minder kansen krijg omdat ik mijn mond niet genoeg open doe.. ok, ik kan daar aan werken, maar ik ben niet de soort persoon die bij de meerdere gaat gaan slijmen om verder te gerake..ik wil er geraken door mijn kunnen..

mijn contract loopt nu nog tot eind juli 2008.. da's dus nog iets minder als een jaar, en er kan nog veel gebeuren op die tijd..
naast beter werk tegen volgende zomer ben'k ook aan't denken om dan volgend schooljaar iets te gaan bijstuderen in avondschool..
nu wil ik er nog niet aan beginnen,want dat is heel moeilijk te combineren met't werk..
ookal werk ik maar part-time, meestal meot ik werken tot 18u30 of 19u, waardoor het moeilijk is om op tijd op een avondschool te geraken..
en dan is er nog het dillemma van: wat studeren?

'k zou graag terug wat met kunst doen, maar dat helpt mijn carriere niet echt.. dat is gewoon puur hobby..
dan ben ik verder aan't denken in de sociale sector.. maar dat weet ik toch ook nog niet zeker..
heb in't verleden te veel verkeerde keuzes gemaakt, waardoor ik nu echt zeker van mezelf wil zijn, en het komende jaar geeft me veel denktijd..

1 van mijn doelstellingen is ook stoppen met roken..
heb het al eens gedaan.. en heb het dan zelfs 4 maand uitgehouden, dus ik weet dat 'k 't voor goed ook moet kunnen!
maar toch eerst mijn huisje op orde ze... :p

ik weet totaal niet wat de toekomst me brengt, maar ik leef nu gewoon van dag tot dag en probeer nog beter mijn eigen plekje op de wereld te vinden, alhoewel da ik wel vind da ik al aardig op weg ben!

don't really know where i am..
thought i'd get more a long my way by now.. but so what..
working, living alone..
looking for a new place to call my own..
looking for a new guy to call mine..
may be L. could be that guy.. but then he'll have to start knowing what he wants..

thinking of buying myself a violin..
used to play it.. and excually that felt good..
need more music in my life :)

also looking for a band or something to sing in..
i know i have a good voice, but i'm not really doing something with it..
accept singing karaoké.. lol

anyway.. going to sleep now..
tomorrow is a brand new day!

but still not really better..

so much doubt, so much insecurity.. 
i know it 'll all be over some day.. or at least better then now, but feels like this feeling's never gonna end.. 

it's been a while since i wrote in my lj.. i know..

the last months i stopped studying.. so now i'm looking for a job..
still smoking..
still single..
but enjoying the single life..
having fun, going out, ...

i have my moments where i truelly miss someone next to me..
but on the other hand, i have found a good friend last month and i can always go to him for a hug or a talk.. and that helps a lot..

in a way i'm standing still, in another way i'm on a fast train, finding myself, figuring out what i want to do with my life..

sometimes i start thinking about my ex-boyfriends and i'm happy to have known them, and to have had relationships with them.. i learned a lot from them.. about life, love and myself..

yesterday was fun!
ok, had to go to school from 8.15 am till 5.45 pm, but after that i had dinner with my parents :)
when we finished we went to de trollenkelder and there were friends of mine :) mam organised it wensday-evening, i was suprised :)

was home at 3am.. didn't sleep much, but more then kevin..
he came too.. that i didn't expect, but was a nice surprice..
he brought me home and then went to leuven.. so i think he'd been home around 4am.. knowing he had to go to work today at 8am... he's a sweet guy :)

today i had lunch with deborah.. and after she drove me home, so now she knows how to get here.. hehe..

and now i have to clean up my room... think i'll just do that this evening.. tomorrow i have to go to play with the children, so i wanna be awake :)
after that i'm going to my uncle and ant.. to see Laïs.. looking forward to it! :D

next friday i'll know my examresults.. i'm curious..

feeling fine ;)

my birthday's coming up..
don't know what to do for it..
everything changed so much in my life..
normally you give a birthdayparty but i don't even know if i would.. why should i?
just building up new friendships.. if i can already call them friendships..
feel a bit lost.. trying hard to resist the "lonely-feeling" but sometimes i just can't.. and then i'm a bit mad about myself because i let myself go.. when i just want to feel good, and get to know new people..
but i don't think i'm already in the position to let the "new friends" get in touch with the "old friends" if i can even call them "new friends"..
but hey.. i'm still trying to go forward.. and, ok, i admit i'm standing still a lot too.. but i'm really trying to go forward..
i'm happy i already lost 7 kg from august till today.. but it isn't enough.. at least 20kg more.. but it's not easy..
sometimes i wonder why i didn't looked after my body better.. but i just have to work on it know, and stop trying to figger out why.. 'cause there's no good reason why.. i just did..

i feel the need of attention rise every day.. wish it didn't.. but can't help it does..
but i'm trying to "fight it", i need to be ok on my own first, before i can really love someone..
so i keep telling myself..
but when i really fall in love.. it al doens't matter anymore.. at that moment i'm floating.. letting the feelings and emotions lead me to wherever he's taking me..
i mis that feeling..

i think i'm just gonna enjoy the dinner with both my parents thursday..

You Are a Soy Latte

At your best, you are: free spirited, down to earth, and relaxed At your worst, you are: dogmatic and picky You drink coffee when: you need a pick me up, and green tea isn't cutting it Your caffeine addiction level: medium

funny knowing i don't drink coffee.. heheh.. about the tea, there almost right.. only, no green one :p

Your Social Dysfunction: Happy You're a happy person - you have a good amount of self-esteem, and are socially healthy. While this isn't a social dysfunction per se, you're definitely not normal. Consider yourself lucky: you walk that fine line between 'normal' and being outright narcissistic. You're rare - which is something else to be happy about.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com Please note that we aren't, nor do we claim to be, psychologists. This quiz is for fun and entertainment only. Try not to freak out about your results.

tjiens.. don't always feeel happy.. but hey.. nothings always right ;)

went langlaufe yesterday with 4 girls... was fun! fell down the snow twice.. hehe..
natje made a snow angel.. now wait.. she made 3..
we ate in the snow.. was verry nice..

on the train back i smsed K. i would have to pass leuven.. and in stead off passing it, i went of the train there.. was a nice evening.. first off all, i had to get a shower.. after we went to the movies - chronicles of Narnia rules! - and grabbed a bite to eat...
felt nice being around him, forgetting everything else..

adn today, home again, and have to study!
management.. here i come!

(in stead of not writing, i'm writing a lot more then i usually do.. oeps! :p )

love this girl!!

http://www.azlyrics.com/a/amos.html

and now, in the period of holidays, i have to study..
lots of movement 'round the house.. everybody's home of course..
but me.. i'm sitting in my room, looking at my books, trying to make exercises..
friday the 13th i have my first exam.. hope this will be a lucky day :D
Have 5 of them.. 2 are easy, 3 of them are new stuff.. so i ahve to work for them..

James just entered my room.. he's now trying to sleep.. nice having his company in the room.. is comforting..

so, you'll hear more from me after exams.. these are my priority!
enjoy on new years eve.. i know i will ;)

stood up yesterday morning.. didn't really know if i was doing good to that boy..
have some feelings, but a lot more doubts..
hmm.. damn..
hurt his feelings too yesterday.. understand he has questions.. don't really have an answer..
but i'm happy he still talkes to me..
but i'll be home next saturday.. instead of being in leuven.. maybe it's al just for the better..
thought i had everything figured out already, but now i notice i haven't..

so still have to work on myself.. instead of running away and hurting people..

Had a date today.. went to Brugge to the icesculptures.. was nice to see..
after that, we walked around a bit.. ate something, drunk something.. talked a bit..

Then we were sitting on a bench, with a Gluhwein, and he kisses me.. From then on time went way too quick..
Now i'm looking forward to next weekend, when i see him again, how it'll be..
Even though he lives far from here, i'm willing to give it a try..
we'll see were we end up..

* butterflies instead *

Neelke, your true color is Blue!

You're blue — the most soothing shade of the spectrum. The color of a clear summer sky or a deep, reflective ocean, blue has traditionally symbolized trust, solitude, and loyalty. Most likely a thoughtful person who values spending some time on your own, you'd rather connect deeply with a few people than have a bunch of slight acquaintances. Luckily, making close friends isn't that hard, since people are naturally attracted to you — they're soothed by your calming presence. Cool and collected, you rarely overreact. Instead, you think things through before coming to a decision. That level-headed, thoughtful approach to life is patently blue — and patently you!

You - Your Sex Life


What's your sexual type?
You're a very passionate person who knows how to fully enjoy sex. You have a highly active sex drive and imagination when it comes to trying new sexual moves. And these characteristics set you up for having intense and pleasurable sexual encounters that bring you much satisfaction -- even if the focus isn't on orgasm. More than most people, you know how to value the pleasures of sexuality and are not afraid to pursue those feelings when the timing is right.

Who's the right match for you sexually?
Your ideal sexual partner thoroughly enjoys sex. For , sex is a creative way to express self physically. Seduction in particular, is a big part of what makes sex so enjoyable for . has a sex drive that leaves craving more and more contact. And confidence in sexual matters makes it all the easier for to experiment and move towards fulfilling sexual desires. Orgasm is a welcome pleasure at the end of sexual experiences. And sharing an emotional connection with partner during sex -- while it can be nice -- is not main objective.

You - Your Personality


What do people see in you?
You're warm, knowing and aren't afraid to go after your goals. You tend to be patient with people, too. And if that weren't enough, you pretty much set the standard for emotional health by being filled with positive feelings and energy - energy you radiate out onto those around you.

How do you compare to others?
You're highly unique, as only 9% of women your age have the same personality type. Another 9% have personality types similar to yours.

What will men notice about you?
It's the extent to which you are that sets you apart from other women your age.

Do men like your type?
16% of men are looking for your exact type. Another 64% are looking for someone highly similar to your type.

What do men like about your type?
Men like the extent to which you're materialistic.

The research indicates that men are most drawn to your desire to live the good life.

How do you and your ideal match compare?
Overall, you prefer men who are very similar to you.